#HjDiaries Musings

I once had to look after a middle-aged patient admitted in our ward. The attendants included her son and her young daughter in law. From the start, I disliked the son instantly. He would often snap at his wife and his tone suggested he didn't think much of her. At one point, I was so angry, I was on the verge of telling him off. My senior resident noticed this and stopped me. "If you say anything to him right now while you are angry, you will simply humiliate him. It will hurt his ego, and he will take it out on her only. Wait a bit and see how you can help her"

I honestly didn’t want to wait. But I felt (albeit, grudgingly) that she was right. Because I did feel like humiliating him for being a brute. But then I observed him further. As his mother got better, it became clear to me that the son's behavior was simply a reflection of hers. She would speak to her daughter in law as if she was a worthless waste-of-space object than a dignified human being. It was through this insight, that I could gauge what to do.

Prior to her discharge, I went to her bed. She was surrounded by family. I came beside her and pointed towards the young woman (her daughter in law), while looking at the patient and said clearly, "Aaap ab bohat behtar ho gaiee hain. Inn ka Shukriya karein. Inho ne aap ka bohat saath diya hai. Inho ne aap ki bhi or hamari bhi madad ki hai" ("You are much better now. You should thank her. She has helped you and us a lot in your recovery") Then I looked at the son and said the same thing to him.

An hour or so later, the young woman came and thanked me. She added that this was the first time her husband and mother in law had spoken to her 'izzt se' (with respect)

This encounter taught me something important. When we set out to help someone, we cant let our personal feelings cloud us to the point that we make it all about ourselves and about venting our own anger. Was my anger justified then? Yes, but had I caved in to it, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything that would have led to an iota of change in anyone's life.

With the rise of social media posts regarding issues on social justice, politics, feminism etc I feel this is just as relevant. This is a historical time for the human race. For once, most of us have a platform (social media) on which we can be heard.

Having a platform on which your voice can be heard is a blessing. But often we forget, that it also places us in a position of responsibility. Our words matter. Our tone matters. When you take to that stage that social media offers you, it isn't simply about venting your anger. It is about something bigger, it is about making an impact. Your anger and frustration can hold people's attention for so long. It may lead to likes and comments and shares temporarily. However, it may not necessarily lead to the impact that is needed for lasting change. When you are giving advice, it can reach people, more effectively, if it is written with a lot less harshness and a lot less hate.

The Holy Prophet (SAW) said, “Be gentle, for gentleness adorns everything in which it is found, and its absence leaves everything tainted."