Ramadan 2015: Striving for Consistency

Half of Ramadan 2015 has gone by and left me with emotions that I am still struggling to put into words. Its not exactly the magical kind of spiritual uplifting that one hopes to experience nor is it a kind of relief that you have somewhat  acclimatized to not being able to eat or sleep much, It is more of a mix of disappointment and wonder

There is disappointment over the little I have managed to accomplish in terms of reading the Quran or reflecting on its beauty. Mind you, this is in spite of the fact that I did not set any ambitious goals such reading One Para daily or memorizing a new Surah everyday.  I had, however, hoped that I could reflect on at-least one verse everyday in detail, with the help of Nouman Ali Khan's amazing Tafsir via Bayyinah Instiute Podcasts. This, I have managed to do, but not consistently at all.

Then there is wonder. Because, even though I have not accomplished any of the above, I have been able to push myself to go beyond what I thought I would be capable of being chronically sleep-deprived for the most part. This June, my city, Karachi, experienced the worst heat wave ever recorded. Over 1300 lives were lost in a matter of days. To add insult to injury, our public hospitals were hardly equipped to deal with the influx of patients and the government took no measures to ensure they were so. As medical students, we felt the need to respond, using whatever esources we had. Last week, our organization, First Response Initiative of Pakistan (FRIP) took up the #BeatTheHeat initiative for Civil Hospital, one of the major government hospitals in the city. We collected enormous amounts of supplies that the generous people of this resilient city donated with open arms, all the way from water bottles to ice boxes and even freezers. We went to patients in the different medical wards and counselled them on prevention and management of heat stroke. We ran back and forth from wards making sure they were stocked and prepared. We coordinated with various donors and managed various supplies in a course of a few days

Looking back, I wonder how I had the strength to do the little that I did manage to do, Alhamdulillah. But it was over too soon. Maybe I could have done more. Maybe I should have. Right now, though, I am just grateful for the chance of being able to give even this much.

Yet, consistency in my deeds is still lacking. And it was this that I hoped to achieve this Ramadan. After all, according to a Hadith,

“Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah’s is the most regular and constant even though it were little.” …

Now that I come to think of it, the only thing I have been consistent with everyday is making Dua. For myself, my family, friends etc. It is hardly anything at all. But maybe its the only thing holding me together and keeping me sane: I have had my share of anxious days and I am constantly fearful of every moment, of some adverse happening or another. The low spirits that engulfed the city during the heatwave didn't help. The raging heat and the seemingly merciless sunlight appeared to form some of the darkest days the city had ever seen.

But maybe, through my Duas, if I have accomplished anything at all, it is being consistent (relatively) in the one thing I desperately need: hope. Hope that ease does come after hardship, that the silver linings are real, that it is never as dark as it seems.

I dont know how long this lasts but I hope and Pray that it does. It is something every human being needs not only for one month of the year, but throughout his/her lifetime. If you are reading this, please acknowledge that your Duas never go unheard, that there always is a response to them, even if the response comes in ways you least expected.

On the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say: Allah the Almighty said: 

"O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it."